It Takes Time to Get it Right
by Echante
Summary: When Addison has her breakdown, Sam calls Derek and tells him to help her because he's the only one who can.


A/N: For the record, if anybody cares, I totally called the Addison's mom being a lesbian, they should so totally have come up with something better than that. I love this song, if you can please pay attention to the lyrics because they are so beautiful, its Glimmer by Aqualung....

_**I know it isn't much, and I know it was too too hard, but although it isn't much, I'll give you all I have.**_

Derek used to hold you when you cried about this. He used to shoulder the pain of your sobs by wiping away the streaks of tears that tumbled down your cheeks and then picking you up and plopping you down in front of a tub of ice cream. He used to stroke your hair as you wept and whisper in your ear how you are in no way like either one of your parents and they are in no way like you.

You think it's just a little bit ironic that you've kissed most of his best-friends now. Weiss is the only one to go and you can't bear to imagine doing that to Savvy. Sam is brilliant when it comes to this though, he's very good at holding you when you need it most and of pushing you away when you get inappropriate. The two of you have become good friends. Sometimes you think you don't know the line though, that's drawn between friendship and love. Despite your confident and beautiful exterior, you're attracted to anyone you think can protect you.

You wish it was easier. You wish you grew up in a better home. You wish, you'd been coddled as a child. Everyone thinks you must have been spoiled but it depends on the meaning. You were given every pony you ever asked for. The love was surprisingly missing.

Sam has been on the phone with someone for awhile now, you find it comforting to hear the intonations of his voice drifting up and down and spilling over in waves. You can't hear the exact words but they are hushed and desperate. You just like that someone is there.

"Are you okay?" Sam is standing in the doorway with a cup of coffee that he hands to you promptly.

"I'm fine." You mutter, "I'll be fine."

He nods, and doesn't look at you and you wonder what he's done. There's guilt written on his face but you don't have the energy for another confrontation. Instead you roll out of bed and announce, "I'm going home."

He says, "They're gone."

And you nod.

The small patch of land that separates your house from Sam's isn't too special. There's a river of sand that dumps into a mighty beach that is washed over by an empty mass of sea. You're not sure if you are living or drowning, but the emptiness rings deeply in your head and you feel as if you could jump off the edge of the earth and never come back.

You walk right past him, up the stairs and you're settled pretty comfortably into bed when realization dawns and you get up with a jump.

You rush back down the stairs and stand there gaping in surprise at the man on your couch.

"Derek." You whisper, confusion in your voice.

_**There's a mirror in the old place, a place where we would stand, and wonder at our sweet sweet selves, smiling hand in hand. This wasn't what we planned.**_

The first time they met, Addison hadn't paid him much thought. Or at least, that's what he imagined. He'd been trying to ride a longboard, which he was told was easier than a skateboard, and failing miserably. He had fallen off in the middle of the park and had cut off her path, landing at her feet. The first thing he saw when he looked up was miles and miles of legs accentuated by a pair of black peep-toe stilettos. Then she crouched down and he saw her face and fell in love. It was a beautifully innocent face that she harbored, and she looked bemused, and smiled.

"Problem?" She asked, her voice holding in laughter.

"No." He managed to squeak as she walked on by.

"Nice meeting you!" She yells at him without stopping.

He gulps and nods, and then buries his face in his hands.

He sees her at a Starbucks the next morning, and he laughs a bit because he's discovered that his redheaded beauty from the park was secretly a nerd. She was engrossed in her Biochemistry text-book, and he could tell, because he was in the same class, that she was pages ahead of the assigned reading. And besides, no one ever read the textbook. It was a given. She obviously was the exception.

He ordered two Cappuccinos with an extra shot of caffeine in each and then sat down beside her with a loud thump. She didn't look up. Frustrated he asked loudly, "whatcha reading?"

Her head shot up in surprise and then she moved her hand to cover her heart, "Remember me?" He grinned at her.

"Clumsy guy on the skateboard?" Her lips twitched upwards.

"Hey!" He corrected, "It was a longboard, and in my defense, it was my first time."

"Oh." She laughed, "Okay."

"It's hard!"

"That's nice."

"So… I think you should go out with me."

"No." She said bluntly. He gaped at her in shock as she continued reading her textbook. After a couple of seconds she grinned and peered up over the edge of the book and sighed, "fine. I won't object if you buy me another cup of coffee."

"Coming right up! What kind?

"White Chocolate Mocha." She smiled, and then called after him as he got up, "Don't fall!"

_**Though the night has fallen, I close my eyes and imagine, a tiny glimmer, flickering on the horizon. **_

"What are you doing here?" You're not quite sure what's happening, you're not used to seeing this backdrop against his skin, the oceans rolling beside the sky blue of his eyes, the lines of his face against the burst of color in the sunset sky.

"Sam called." His voice is quiet, his eyes are worried, "He told me everything."

"He shouldn't have." You're a bit embarrassed that he's caught you devoid of make-up and heels, you always wanted him to think you were doing better in L.A., that you hadn't left anything behind in the city of rainy misery.

"He was right to call; we're worried about you Addy."

"Don't." You've always been stubborn as hell, "I'm fine."

"I don't think you are."

"Well fuck you!" You snapped a bit and yelled, you instantly regretted it, "I'm sorry Derek, you should leave."

"Addison. I know you. I know you better than you think and I think I need to be here. Let me help you."

You laugh a bit, "It's nothing," you try to be light-hearted but there lead weighing you down, "people are dying out there, there's children starving to death, you don't need to care about my family-issues."

"Addison…" you wonder why he keeps repeating your name.

"And Meredith… oh God, I'm sure she's having problems don't worry about me Derek, I have Sam, I have Naomi… I'll be fine. I'm always fine."

There's silence as he tries to digest the information you've been feeding him, this line of bullshit you invented whenever a councilor or teacher asked you if you were lonely as a child, or if you needed to talk. You used to deflect your own problems with the bigger problems in the world. But the issue here was that Derek isn't buying it. He knows you better than you thought he did. It's a little unnerving.

He stares into his folded hands and then looks back up at you, "I was there Addison." His voice is quiet and steady, "I know the pain you go through with them. I know they betrayed you, I know they've killed you and beaten you emotionally. Let me be your rock. Let me be your comfort. I never stopped loving you, you know? I'll never stop no matter what."

And then he buried her head into his shoulder and took the burden from her hands. But when she hit his chest with her face she couldn't help but add another pain onto her growing list: she wanted him to love her, and only her, in an entirely different way.

_**It takes time to get it right, takes no time to get it wrong, and can't believe I didn't see, the ground was caving in. Oh can we just start again.**_

He's nervous and he's pretty sure she can sense it. She's like a bloodhound or something, she can smell the fear on his breath and the twitch in his heart as it kept skipping beats and swirling. She stumbling about the roof of the empire state building and he's vaguely aware that they're almost alone save for a family on the opposite side and an old couple that he thinks might have fallen asleep on a bench by the elevator.

She's staring through a pair of viewfinders and he loves the way her hands encircle them, focusing them with dedication and a rare seriousness that would be interrupted by giggles because she always said that the cold rim of the glasses tickled her cheeks.

"Why'd you want to come up here?" She asks him, "I mean, besides for the love of my life, these viewfinders."

"Do you remember our first date?" He asks.

She nods smiling, "I thought you were an asshole."

"Hey!" Derek protested, "Aside from spilling the wine on you, I did nothing wrong."

"It's okay." She says laughing, "I've made my peace with it, and you just weren't born to make good first impressions."

He knows that she means it lightly but her words suddenly scare him more than he can imagine.

"Anyways," he says, "I'd like to think the most successful part of that date was when we ended up right here."

Her cheeks are rosy now from the cold but her smile is bright and happy, "I still don't know why I let you kiss me."

He smiles as he pulls her in against his chest, "I still don't either."

"Well, I still don't know why I let you take me out again," she laughs, "someone up there must like you."

He grins, "What can I say? I'm a lucky guy."

She turns to face him and pulls him in for a kiss and then tells him seriously, "I'm a lucky girl too you know?"

Derek kissed her again, and then again and again and then pulled her onto his lap and whispered in her ear, "I love you, more than anything in this world. I can't believe I found you, I don't know who the hell up there loves me enough to give me all this but I just know that I'm grateful, I'm so grateful for all of this. And I know I want this for the rest of my life, so Addison, hon, will you marry me?"

_**Oh every day! Every day! Living my life like it's over! Like it's lost and its deep underground. **_

"So…" she begins, it's weird that he's on her couch and reading her newspaper, it feels almost as if the past eight years never happened, like they'd vanished into the sands of time, "how's Seattle Grace faring without me?" She tries to make a joke but it doesn't come out funny, and really, all she wants is a little distraction.

"It's good, everyone's still a little shaken up over George but we manage. Oh! Did you hear that we merged with Mercy West?"

"Really?" Addison almost smiled, "How'd that go?"

"Not well, there's a lot of hate up in Seattle right now."

"Yeah? I can imagine."

The silence that follows is painful, and she reels, "Geez!" She almost shouts, "Please Derek," she begs, "tell me something, I don't care what it is I need to be distracted!"

"Okay." He walks over, shushing her sobs and takes her into his arms, "Don't worry, I'm here. I'm always here."

"I know."

He pauses a bit and thinks before he says, "Mark's got his hands full with his little intern," he shakes his head, "and you thought Meredith was young."

He winces as she realizes that the worst thing he could possibly bring up at a time like this is Meredith and Lexie, the two people who came after her, but she smiles, "I'm glad he's happy." She murmurs, "Believe it or not, he took care of me. I really did love him Derek, he really is a good guy…" she thinks a bit, "you tell her that, will you?"

Derek nods, "Yeah." He closes his eyes, "Was I that bad in New York Addy?"

She shrugs, "There were times when it was unbearable, but I made another best friend, Mark and I hated each other until you disappeared from both of our lives," she laughs a little bit, "and then he was the best friend I ever had, we both missed you so much… we didn't really know what to do with ourselves..."

Derek laughs, "Well I'm just a regular ol' matchmaker aren't I?"

Addison shrugs, "I miss you guys, you know? You two were my best friends, my protectors, and my protégés, I'm glad you guys are happy."

Derek pauses and sighs before he tells her, "What if I'm not?"

Addison closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, "You have to be."

_**Little look! Little smile! Flick the switch and it's over! Like its lost and can never be found.**_

"Derek!" She cried and jumped onto him, "It's snowing!"

He laughs, "I know, I was just out there."

"I know! But it's snowing! And not like lame snow… it's huge!"

He loves her like this, so angelic and childish, four years after they'd gotten married and he still loved her with all of his heart. She's tugging on his sleeve impatiently and she whines, "Come on! I want to make snow angels!"

He smiles and leans down to brush the hair away from her face before kissing her, "You're just a little girl you know that?" He says to her.

She wrinkles her nose, and giggles, "Then some of the stuff we did last night might be considered statutory rape."

He feigns hurt and she smacks him lightly on the head, "Of course I consented." She laughs a clear crisp laugh. And then starts pulling on his arm once more.

He picks her up by the waist despite her protests, and carries her outside and dumps her on the snow. She peers up happily at him and so he kisses her, right then and there and she sighs, resting her head against his shoulder.

"Remember med-school?" She asks him, "When it snowed that one time? I remember being horrified because then the patients wouldn't be able to get to the hospital, and those poor babies in the world who would have to be born in a ditch somewhere."

He remembers, "You smacked Mark when he suggested that the more danger the more surgeries."

Addison nods, "You shouldn't think of a human life as a commodity. I always hated him for that."

"You never really got over it."

"He's a jerk," she frowns, "I don't know why you guys are friends."

Derek sighed, "There's a kindness in him that's not easy to see, he only shows it when people really need him… but he's a great friend and he's my brother, so, you should try and talk to him, get to know him a little more…"

Addison sighed and thought it over, "Okay… I guess I can do that."

He smiled and kissed her gratefully, "He's a good guy Ad."

Addison thought about it for awhile and then lay down; arms and legs flat against the snow and said, "Let's make angels." And they did, that night, angels were watching, standing side by side.

_**But maybe there's a tiny glow, that won't die and won't leave us alone, star shining, the sun is rising. **_

You stand in silence a little longer until you can't bare the distance between you, what did he mean by that? You should know, you're his best friend still, although you haven't been in awhile, and you don't know what's going on in his life. You abandoned him. You abandoned Mark. You feel terrible. Finally you speak, "What do you mean by that?"

He looks at you, fire flaming into his eyes and repeats, "I'm not happy."

You look away disgusted, "Well that's great, so we've all been living a fucking lie."

He sighs, and sweeps his fingers across the skin on your cheeks and you find yourself flinching and succumbing at the same time. He trails a smarting pain across your face as he makes his way to your lips. "Remember our wedding day?" He mumbles.

"Of course." You retort, "I was there."

He doesn't acknowledge your last remark but continues in a sort of trance, "You were so beautiful; everyone was convinced that you were an angel… I believe it. I thought I must have done something right because God was giving me the greatest reward."

You swallow the burning pain, and feel it as it settles into your stomach.

"I was so young then… so in-love with you."

You can't talk so you just nod.

"When we got divorced, I know you thought I didn't care, but I spent a whole day thinking about that, about what happened, about how it happened…"

You can't even look at him now, the words are fading together and you don't know what's happening.

"I still don't have an answer. How do you just lose love?"

"You don't…" you find yourself saying, "You know what I decided?"

"What?"

"You never loved me, that's how it works, you never fought for me, you didn't care."

He reaches out to stroke you face and tuck the strands of hair behind your head, "I loved you so much." He whispers.

You panic and cry out, "My mother's a lesbian!"

He leans in and says it right before his lips hit yours, "I don't care."

_**There's a tiny glimmer, flickering on the horizon.**_

They weren't actually in the throes, they were in-between throes when Derek walks in, and it makes it all the more painful for him. They were both naked, and Addison was settled on his lap and she was laughing as he was whispering dirty secrets into her ear. When he looked into the room, she was happy, and he realized how foreign the feeling seemed on her face. Then came the rage.

Afterwards he would question himself about what happened that day, and he wouldn't remember. He drifted in a daze, and wandered about from street corner to street corner. He got mugged and handed over his wallet without thought, and continued to wander. He slept on a doorstep that night. The next morning, he cleaned himself up and went to a hotel. When the swelling in his face went down, he called Richard Webber.

The rest of the story is history, they continue on their self-destructive path until the two of them blow up and fade. He'd practically married Meredith Grey; she had an affair with a married man.

This is how the story ends.

But what if it doesn't?

_**It takes time to get it right…**_

And because you're broken, you kiss him back, and because he's broken he kisses you. Your nails scrape skin from the back of his scalp and his breath lingers on the edge of your skin.

You hate him so you take it out on his lips; he's lost you so he tries to capture you. And the walls come tumbling down.

When you wake up with the sun lingering over the horizon, you can feel the daft heat of his naked chest and the strange familiarity that comes with his presence. He smiles in his sleep and whispers, "I love you Addison." Into the air.

You freak out. You'd always had a weakness for beautiful men.


End file.
